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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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David Stern Feels Uneasy In Presence Of Basketball Players

NEW YORK—According to friends and associates, NBA commissioner David Stern gets suddenly quiet, visibly uncomfortable, and awkwardly on edge whenever he comes into the presence of NBA basketball players. "I don't know what it is—he's usually a very outgoing and funny guy, but he just all of the sudden stiffens up whenever they're around," said NBA vice president of basketball operations Michael Curry. "It's like he can't act natural around them. Whenever we see Allen Iverson and his friends at NBA events, he'll just excuse himself, go sit in the corner, and start playing with his watch. The few times that he actually comes anywhere near them, he'll usually just stand there staring at the floor, trying to look inconspicuous." According to colleagues, however, Stern is on very friendly terms with most NBA owners, coaches, and Steve Nash.

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