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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.
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Dead Hamster Feels Its Life Has Been Properly Honored By Shoebox Coffin

EUGENE, OR—Recently deceased hamster Muffin announced today that he was quite pleased with the cardboard box his corpse was placed in before being buried in the backyard, saying that it is a “truly fitting memorial to [his] life.” “Honestly, I cannot think of a more proper way to honor my legacy on this earth than this 11.5-by-7-inch cardboard shoebox,” said the rodent of the DSW shoebox in which his lifeless body was placed and buried near the back fence. “If anything, I only worry that I perhaps did not fully deserve a monument quite so grand and so lavish as this shoebox, but nonetheless, I am deeply touched and honored by this stirring testament of my former owner’s love and devotion.” At press time, Muffin’s owner reportedly stopped at DSW to pick up another pair of shoes on his way home from the pet store “just in case.”

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