NEW YORK—At a loss as to how they could emerge from a weekend of regular-season football without any fresh insight whatsoever, ashamed and humbled members of the sports media admitted to the public Tuesday that they learned absolutely nothing from week 11 of the NFL season.
REYKJAVIK, ICELAND—The Twinlab International Powerlifting Championships ended predictably Sunday, as for the 47th consecutive year, the Transylvanian team swept the deadlifting events. "We Transylvanian lifters of the dead have a saying: 'You've got to vant it,'" said Transylvanian dark-strength coach Comte von Alucard III. "Yes The creatures of the night What beautiful powerlifting competitors they make." The Transylvanian squad will once again leave the world championship with two awards despite finishing first through third, as team officials hissed and drew back when presented with the silver medal.