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Oh Great, Another Woman Who Only Loves Me For My Complete Collection Of ‘Rurouni Kenshin’ Manga

Well isn’t that great—just great. Here I am, thinking I’ve finally met someone who’s perfect for me—she’s caring, smart, beautiful, and most of all, it seemed like she really got me. But I should have known better. Turns out she’s just like the rest of them, just another in a long line of women who only love me for my complete collection of the classic wandering samurai manga Rurouni Kenshin.

Disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings Not Living Up To Ridicule

LOS ANGELES—Describing the experience as a significant letdown, local diner Eric Tidwell told reporters that the disappointing Buffalo Wild Wings franchise he visited Thursday night failed to live up to the scorn he had long heard about the restaurant.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

Area Dad Needs More Time With Museum Plaque

NEW YORK—Leaning in close to the paragraph of text as his family continued on to the museum’s other exhibits, area dad and Frick Collection visitor Phillip Schermeier, 58, reportedly needed more time with the plaque beside Rembrandt’s 1626 painting Palamedes In Front Of Agamemnon Thursday.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

‘Our Town’ Cast Party Going Off The Rails

PEEKSKILL, NY—Describing a wild scene in which performers and stagehands were loudly conversing, laughing, and occasionally breaking back into their characters from the play, sources confirmed Sunday night that the cast party for the local production of Our Town is currently going off the rails.

Thieves Make Off With Museum’s Most Valuable Docents

CHICAGO—In what is being described as a sophisticated and well-executed heist, thieves stole nine of the Art Institute of Chicago’s most valuable docents in broad daylight this morning, according to museum and law enforcement officials.
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Deaf Man's Deaf Friends Way Too Into Deaf Culture

COLUMBIA, MD—Jonathan Deeds, a 26-year-old Rockville resident who lost his hearing as an infant, feels a growing sense of alienation from his deaf friends, who he says are "way too into" deaf culture.

Jonathan Deeds.

"I'm deaf, but it's not like it's my whole life or anything," said Deeds, a 26-year-old sales administrator, speaking through an American Sign Language interpreter Monday. "I wish I could say the same for some of the people I hang out with."

According to Deeds, friends Rob Planter and Ben Trantvan automatically gravitate toward "all things deaf," including deaf greeting cards, deaf Kabuki theater, and "Deaf Elvis," a D.C.-area Elvis impersonator.

"Lately, it seems like everything they do is deafness-related," Deeds said. "Like, for example, they're really into this deaf comedian named Ken Glickman. He's all right, I guess, but I don't see why his being deaf makes him any funnier. But try telling that to Rob and Ben when they're cracking each other up signing one of his 'Deafinitions.'"

"They think I'm some sort of sellout because I prefer comedians from the 'hearing world,'" Deeds said. "I'm sorry, but I'd rather lip-read Chris Rock than sit through 45 minutes of Ken Glickman just because we've got something in common."

Deeds added that Planter and Trantvan assert their deaf identity in areas wholly unrelated to one's ability to hear.

"The other day, Rob tells me he's changed his e-mail address to nohearrob@deafemail.net," Deeds said. "Then he gives me the Deaf E-Mail web-site address so I could get one myself. Why would I? It's e-mail, for God's sake. Why would I need some kind of deaf e-mail provider?"

Planter and Trantvan, Deeds said, rarely participate in activities if some deafness theme is not incorporated.

"Last Sunday, Rob and Ben invited me to 'the art museum.' I figured they meant one of the big ones down in D.C., like the National Gallery or maybe the Corcoran," Deeds said. "But then I find out they mean some place called the American Hearing Aid Museum in Gaithersburg. Who wants to spend their Sunday looking at antique hearing aids?"

Continued Deeds: "Just to get a rise out of them, I pointed out that hearing aids are not for the deaf, but for people who can at least hear a little bit. They got really pissed, saying we had to support all our hearing-impaired brothers and sisters."

"'Brothers and sisters'? What's with this whole solidarity thing? Are deaf people going to start a revolution or something? I just don't get their whole 'us-versus-them' attitude," Deeds said. "You can be pro-deaf without being against people who can hear, or 'the silence-impaired,' as Rob and Ben call them."

Planter and Trantvan are also critical of Deeds' failure to date deaf women.

"You should've seen Rob and Ben's hands flying when they met Amanda," Deeds said. "They called her an 'auralist,' just because she can hear. They act like I'm rejecting my deaf heritage or something, as if there were such a thing. I guess I should be like them and pine away for Marlee Matlin."

Despite his annoyance with his friends' overzealousness, Deeds said he bears no antagonism toward deaf culture.

"I'm glad there are lots of things out there specifically tailored toward deaf people, I really am," Deeds said. "Ten years ago, they probably wouldn't have had a skydiving class for the deaf. I don't think I'd want a skydiving instructor who couldn't understand my sign language, because that'd be pretty dangerous. But why make deafness the center of your life? There's a ton of great stuff out there in the world, and some of it makes sounds."

More from this section

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

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