Death Of Beloved Boxing Writer Bert Sugar Introduces Thousands To Beloved Boxing Writer Bert Sugar

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Vol 48 Issue 14

Coast Guard Sinks Vacant Ship

The U.S. Coast Guard used cannon fire to sink the 164-foot Ryou-Un Maru, a Japanese "ghost ship" set adrift by the tsunami last year.

Cambodian Antiquity To Be Seized

FBI agents moved to impound a statue from the auction house Sotheby's after Cambodian officials claimed it was looted from an ancient Khmer temple.

Phil Grayson

Phil Grayson celebrated 15 years of manning the old glory hole in the South Royalton Rest Area men’s room.
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Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Death Of Beloved Boxing Writer Bert Sugar Introduces Thousands To Beloved Boxing Writer Bert Sugar

MOUNT KISCO, NY—Bert Sugar, the prolific and colorful boxing writer whose smart-aleck yet genuine enthusiasm for boxing allowed him to straddle the line between critic and fan, gained thousands of new fans this week by dying of cardiac arrest at age 75. "I had no idea good writing about boxing could be so readable and fun," said Charlotte, NC resident and new Bert Sugar fan Lois Applebaum, who first learned of Sugar's existence and career through his New York Times obituary and has since "devoured every word she could find" by the universally beloved Boxing Hall of Fame inductee and author of more than 80 books. "Why didn't anybody tell me about this guy before?" In related news, publishing insiders expect sportswriter Rick Reilly's works to disappear almost entirely after Reilly is struck and killed by a derailed locomotive next week.

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