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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Deaths Of 550,000 Confirm Which Mushrooms Are Okay To Eat

Following the lethal poisoning of more than a half million people over the course of several millennia, cultures across the globe finally learned how to identify which mushrooms could be safely consumed.

"Thousands upon thousands of human beings sacrificed themselves to determine which varieties of wild mushroom are delicious and which will paralyze and kill you on the spot," historian Marcus Whiting told reporters. "Without their painful, often grueling, prolonged, and excruciating deaths, we would never have discovered that it's okay to liven up a miso soup with a handful of flavorful shiitakes."

Scholars have long viewed this event as the most significant of its kind since the deaths of more than 800,000 confirmed that the bear could not be milked.

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