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Strongside/Weakside: Deshaun Watson

After leading his team to victory in the College Football Playoff National Championship, Clemson University quarterback Deshaun Watson announced he would forgo his final year of eligibility and declare for the NFL Draft. Is he any good?

NFL Implements New Court Date Attire Regulations

NEW YORK—Citing players’ responsibility to represent themselves and the league in a professional manner, the NFL announced a new set of regulations Monday governing the attire that players are allowed to wear during court dates.

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Debate Gives ESPN Executive Awesome Idea For Show In Which White Guy, Black Guy Ignore Timers And Yell At Each Other

BRISTOL, CT—Explaining that the premise was directly inspired by last night’s presidential debate, ESPN executive vice president John Walsh told reporters Wednesday about his brand-new idea for a live TV show in which a black man and a white man furiously talk over each other while ignoring a countdown timer. “My idea is this: We give the black guy and the white guy a list of topics they’ll need to discuss during the show, and just like last night’s debate, they can just go off on each other with zero regard for the two-minute clock we’ll put on the screen,” said Walsh, explaining that the timer’s only purpose will be to elevate the tension when the men continue speaking after it hits zero. “The vehement black man and the vehement white man will have such big personalities, and think their ideas are so important, that nobody will be able to stop them from speaking, not even this one guy who I’m imagining hangs off to the side and occasionally tells them what they got wrong.” After watching some more election coverage, Walsh reportedly began sketching plans for a feature on ESPN.com that would allow people to cast meaningless votes on issues they know very little about.

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