adBlockCheck

Sports

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
End Of Section
  • More News

Debate Gives ESPN Executive Awesome Idea For Show In Which White Guy, Black Guy Ignore Timers And Yell At Each Other

BRISTOL, CT—Explaining that the premise was directly inspired by last night’s presidential debate, ESPN executive vice president John Walsh told reporters Wednesday about his brand-new idea for a live TV show in which a black man and a white man furiously talk over each other while ignoring a countdown timer. “My idea is this: We give the black guy and the white guy a list of topics they’ll need to discuss during the show, and just like last night’s debate, they can just go off on each other with zero regard for the two-minute clock we’ll put on the screen,” said Walsh, explaining that the timer’s only purpose will be to elevate the tension when the men continue speaking after it hits zero. “The vehement black man and the vehement white man will have such big personalities, and think their ideas are so important, that nobody will be able to stop them from speaking, not even this one guy who I’m imagining hangs off to the side and occasionally tells them what they got wrong.” After watching some more election coverage, Walsh reportedly began sketching plans for a feature on ESPN.com that would allow people to cast meaningless votes on issues they know very little about.

More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close