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Debate Raging As To Whether Michael Jordan Or LeBron James Biggest Asshole To Ever Play Basketball

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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Debate Raging As To Whether Michael Jordan Or LeBron James Biggest Asshole To Ever Play Basketball

BRISTOL, CT—In what has become one of the most heated and longest running debates in sports, fans and players alike continue to weigh in on whether LeBron James or Michael Jordan is the biggest asshole to ever play basketball, sources confirmed today. “Jordan’s legacy as the all-time greatest prick to ever step onto the court is almost untouchable, but LeBron is definitely putting together a strong case as one of the most versatile pieces of shit we’ve ever seen,” said ESPN analyst Chris Broussard, noting that although the pair were assholes in two different eras, no other player in history comes close to producing the raw statistics of James and Jordan, from the number of people they’ve pissed off to how many times they’ve alienated or ignored teammates. “For a while people thought Kobe might end up being as big a bastard as Jordan, but now it’s pretty clear LeBron is his main challenger. MJ’s still got a significant edge, but if LeBron can finish strong with a few more years of unabashed arrogance, selfishness, and total lack of respect for his predecessors and contemporaries, he’ll finally become a complete, all-around fuckface worthy of the crown.” Broussard concluded that regardless of who is ultimately the greatest, it is unlikely the sport of basketball will ever see another player with such a natural ability to be a dominant, overbearing shithead.

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