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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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Decaying City Just Wants To Skip To Part Where It Gets Revitalized Restaurant Scene

CAMDEN, NJ—Saying they were fed up with the numerous challenges stemming from their city’s extensive urban decay, Camden, NJ residents confirmed Wednesday that they would love to just skip to the part where they get a hip, revitalized restaurant scene. “I realize that these boarded-up storefronts and abandoned factories might be turned into trendy cafés and bistros someday down the line, but I think most of us would be pretty thrilled if we just went ahead and got to that stage right now,” said resident George Pierson, noting that he is fully willing to bypass Camden’s endemic crime, rampant drug abuse, and high unemployment rate in order to jump right to the point when he and the city’s other occupants can enjoy dozens of farm-to-table gastropubs. “Sure, we’ll eventually see lobster roll stands and high-end noodle bars popping up on every corner, but that could take years or even decades. Let’s just skim over all the gang turf disputes and burnt-out streetlights and go straight to blocks lined with stores specializing in key lime pies, locally sourced butcher shops, and gourmet empanada places. That honestly seems like the way to go.” Camden residents also told reporters they would like the city’s accelerated revitalization process to then stop just before they are priced out of their current apartments.


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