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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Deeply Held Conviction Immediately Dropped After Friend Half-Heartedly Disagrees

GREENSBURG, PA—While engaged in a casual conversation about their favorite bands Thursday, sources confirmed local resident Nick Saccia, 29, summarily abandoned one of his most strongly held convictions after sensing that his friend half-heartedly disagreed with it. “No, no, I totally hear that,” said Saccia, instantaneously caving to his acquaintance’s slight divergence of opinion and practically tripping over himself to calibrate a response that would bury his well-thought-out beliefs about a subject he has long felt passionately about. “I mean, yeah, that’s a great point. I never thought they were that great or anything—they’re just okay. Absolutely.” At press time, Saccia was racing to redirect the discourse to a comfortable area of mutual agreement where they could safely carry out the remainder of the discussion by voicing identical opinions.

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