Defense: ‘George Zimmerman Is, You Know, He’s A Decent Enough Guy’

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George Zimmerman

George Zimmerman Wins Florida State Lottery

SANFORD, FL—Just days after being fully acquitted for his role in the shooting death of Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman reportedly won the $37 million Florida Lottery jackpot last night.

The Case For And Against George Zimmerman

FOR Typed, signed letter from Martin confirming he attacked Zimmerman Americans have soft spot for nation’s rugged, rawly sexual neighborhood watch volunteers Actions fall within the letter of Florida’s “Get Out Of Your Car, Trac...
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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Defense: ‘George Zimmerman Is, You Know, He’s A Decent Enough Guy’

SANFORD, FL—At the end of a three-week trial in which they sought to prove their client innocent of the murder of teenager Trayvon Martin last year, defense attorneys for George Zimmerman presented closing arguments to jurors on Friday, saying that while he is “not the most wonderful person they’ve ever known,” Zimmerman is “you know, a decent enough guy.” “Listen, he’s not the greatest guy in the world, but what do you want to hear? He’s...well, he’s an okay person, I guess,” chief defense lawyer Mark O’Mara told the panel of six jurors, adding that his legal team doesn’t really know Zimmerman very well but that he seems fine, for the most part. “I mean, look: Are we best friends? No. Will I keep in touch with him after this trial? Probably not. But he’s basically a tolerable person, from what I can tell. I don’t know. I could be wrong. He could be a bad guy. Kind of hard to tell, though, you know?” O’Mara ended his remarks by shrugging his shoulders and silently walking back to his seat.