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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Defensive Clinton Campaign Releases New ‘Who Are You To Judge Me?’ Ad

NEW YORK—With the candidate facing a far more formidable challenge than expected in her pursuit of the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign released an exceedingly defensive new commercial Wednesday titled “Who Are You To Judge Me?” “What the hell have you done?” a scowling Clinton asks during the music-free 30-second ad that is running in markets in all 50 states and features the candidate standing by herself in front of a black background, speaking directly to the camera with her arms crossed defiantly. “Have you ever been a senator? Had to consider the interests and needs of millions of constituents? Oh, wait, I know—you must have served in the president’s cabinet and delicately handled international affairs that impacted the entire world. I’m sorry, what’s that? You haven’t? Then maybe you should think for a goddamn minute before you pass judgment on me, you ingrates.” The ad reportedly ends with Clinton pointing menacingly at the viewer for a full 10 seconds before wordlessly walking out of frame.

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