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Defensive Clinton Campaign Releases New ‘Who Are You To Judge Me?’ Ad

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Election 2016

Financially Struggling Trump Campaign Holds Fundraising Riot

NEWARK, NJ—Having raised only $3.1 million last month despite clinching the Republican nomination and with just $1.3 million on hand, Donald Trump’s presidential campaign sought a much-needed injection of cash Wednesday by holding a fundraising riot in Newark, sources confirmed.

Trump’s Potential VP Picks

Here is a guide to presumptive Republican nominee Donald Trump’s potential running mates in the 2016 presidential election

Nation Clinging Desperately To Brief Inspirational Moment Before Being Thrust Back Into Raging Election Maelstrom

WASHINGTON—Following Hillary Clinton’s primary victories Tuesday that presumably secured her place as the first woman in U.S. history to receive a major party’s presidential nomination, citizens across the nation admitted to reporters they were desperately clinging to the brief moment of inspiration before they are inevitably thrust back into the raging black maelstrom of the 2016 election.

Campaign Announces Clinton Has Entered Incubation Period After Securing Nomination

Candidate Transitioning Into Mature Presidential Form Inside Cocoon, Aides Say

NEW YORK—Immediately after she clinched the 2,383 delegates needed to secure the Democratic presidential nomination Monday night, campaign aides announced that Hillary Clinton had retreated to a dark corner of her Brooklyn headquarters and entered the beginning of a 16-week incubation period.

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race

Donald Trump’s Campaign: Myth Vs. Fact

Donald Trump’s political positions, personal history, and potential governing style have been the subject of much debate throughout the 2016 election. The Onion separates myth from fact in this breakdown of Trump’s campaign:

Report: Well, Here We Go

WASHINGTON—With Donald Trump’s two remaining GOP rivals suspending their candidacies and clearing a path for the billionaire businessman to assume the Republican presidential nomination, reports indicated Wednesday that, well, hoo boy, here we go.
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Election 2016

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Defensive Clinton Campaign Releases New ‘Who Are You To Judge Me?’ Ad

NEW YORK—With the candidate facing a far more formidable challenge than expected in her pursuit of the Democratic nomination, Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign released an exceedingly defensive new commercial Wednesday titled “Who Are You To Judge Me?” “What the hell have you done?” a scowling Clinton asks during the music-free 30-second ad that is running in markets in all 50 states and features the candidate standing by herself in front of a black background, speaking directly to the camera with her arms crossed defiantly. “Have you ever been a senator? Had to consider the interests and needs of millions of constituents? Oh, wait, I know—you must have served in the president’s cabinet and delicately handled international affairs that impacted the entire world. I’m sorry, what’s that? You haven’t? Then maybe you should think for a goddamn minute before you pass judgment on me, you ingrates.” The ad reportedly ends with Clinton pointing menacingly at the viewer for a full 10 seconds before wordlessly walking out of frame.

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