adBlockCheck

Sports

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
End Of Section
  • More News

Defensive Tackle Remi Ayodele To Write Children's Book Titled 'Tubbo Makes A Touchdown'

NEW ORLEANS—Saints defensive tackle Remi Ayodele announced plans Monday to write a children's book called Tubbo Makes A Touchdown, which he says will be the heartwarming tale of an overweight hippopotamus who bravely dives on a loose ball and scores the first touchdown of his professional career. "At first nobody wanted to play football with Tubbo, and all the skinny animals teased him and told him he smelled bad," said the 318-pound Ayodele, adding that Tubbo was loosely based on a true story. "But when Tubbo scores the touchdown, he proves he can do the same things the popular animals can do, just a little slower." Ayodele said he hopes to inspire children to believe they can accomplish anything as long as they flop down on top of their opportunities.

More from this section

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close