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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Delicate Little Man Kept Awake All Night By Having Coffee After Four O’Clock

GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Tossing and turning way past his beddy-bye, delicate little man Jeremy Palazola was reportedly unable to sleep Tuesday night because he drank a teensy bit of coffee after four o’clock. “I’ll have a cup in the morning sometimes, but that’s usually it,” said the precious flower, who tried and tried to keep his eyes closed but remained wide awake from the itty-bitty beverage he had 10 hours earlier. “I knew I shouldn’t have had any during the afternoon meeting, but I was just feeling so out of it.” At press time—oh no!—the darling little angel was getting a big tummy ache.

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