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What You Need To Know About Last Night’s Oscars Debacle

Many viewers were left wondering about the sequence of events that led to the initial erroneous declaration of ‘La La Land’ as the Best Picture winner at the Academy Awards Sunday instead of the real winner, ‘Moonlight’. The Onion breaks down what you need to know about this fiasco.

Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Delusional Man Somehow Thinks He’s Going To Get Oscar Nomination

LOS ANGELES—According to sources close to the sadly delusional man, a pathetic Hollywood local is under the impression that he is actually on the verge of receiving an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor. “He mentioned to me recently that he thought his chances of being Oscar-nominated for a movie he was in this year were pretty good and I just thought, ‘Oh my God, how pitiful is this? This poor bastard actually thinks he’s got a shot at an Academy Award nomination,’” said an anonymous source of the heartbreakingly misguided man, who reports confirmed is so completely deluded that he genuinely believes there is “buzz” around his performance in the film, and that all of Hollywood not only knows him, but is talking about him. “I mean, to be so clueless and so lacking in any kind of perspective or self-awareness that you actually think the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is going to recognize your work with an Oscar nomination? I just wanted to say to him, ‘What, are you nuts? That is never going to happen.’ I guess Hollywood is full of people like him, though: wishers and dreamers. It’s pretty sad.” At press time, the man’s agent and manager were apparently just going to let the confused man believe his pitiful little hopes and dreams for the next couple of weeks before they are officially crushed forever on January 16th.

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