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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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DeMarcus Cousins Worried He Might Have Locker Room Cancer

SACRAMENTO, CA—Sacramento Kings center DeMarcus Cousins was frantic before the team's home game Monday, fearing that he might have locker room cancer. "Feel under my shoulder blade, tell me if you feel a lump," Cousins said to teammate Luther Head, adding that he'd heard locker room cancer spreads faster than any other type of cancer and that once you contract it "that's pretty much it." "I'm pretty sure my grandmother died of locker room cancer. Her high school field hockey team used a locker room like every day. So it runs in the family is what I'm saying." As of 2010, locker room cancer remained the leading cause of death among the nation's professional and amateur athletes, claiming 582 lives in the month of December alone.

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