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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.

Trump Asks Entire Senate To Clear Out Of Chamber So He Can Speak To Comey Alone

WASHINGTON—Entering through a side door and bidding the assembled legislators, congressional aides, and members of the media to give him a moment with the former FBI director, President Donald Trump reportedly asked the entire Senate to clear the chamber during James Comey’s testimony Thursday so he could speak to him alone.

A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.
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Democratic Scouts Head To Tampa To Get Closer Look At Mitt Romney

TAMPA, FL—In an effort to better gauge the competition, scouts for the Democratic Party headed to the Republican National Convention in Tampa this week to size up GOP presidential contender Mitt Romney. “We’ve seen him on tape, so we already know he’s got great speaking mechanics and a dominant gesturing arm,” said lead scout Karl Ponias, 68, noting that Romney has been known to “bring some serious heat” during debates. “At 6-foot-2, and with a 6-foot-3 wingspan, Romney has a body built for campaigning. Combine that with a solid stance behind the podium, and you definitely have a politician who can speak with power. And quickness? The guy can make upwards of four rhetorical points in 45 seconds. No doubt about it, he’s a five-tool candidate.” According to scouts in both parties, if Romney has any weakness in his political game, it’s mental, because when it comes to the issues he often doesn’t know where he stands.

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