adBlockCheck

Politics

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Joe Arpaio’s Family Surprises Him With Detained Hispanic Motorist

FOUNTAIN HILLS, AZ—In celebration of the dismissal of his conviction for criminal contempt via presidential pardon, Joe Arpaio’s family reportedly sought to surprise the former sheriff Tuesday with a 30-year-old Mexican national whom they detained on suspicion of having entered the country illegally.
End Of Section
  • More News

Democratic Scouts Head To Tampa To Get Closer Look At Mitt Romney

TAMPA, FL—In an effort to better gauge the competition, scouts for the Democratic Party headed to the Republican National Convention in Tampa this week to size up GOP presidential contender Mitt Romney. “We’ve seen him on tape, so we already know he’s got great speaking mechanics and a dominant gesturing arm,” said lead scout Karl Ponias, 68, noting that Romney has been known to “bring some serious heat” during debates. “At 6-foot-2, and with a 6-foot-3 wingspan, Romney has a body built for campaigning. Combine that with a solid stance behind the podium, and you definitely have a politician who can speak with power. And quickness? The guy can make upwards of four rhetorical points in 45 seconds. No doubt about it, he’s a five-tool candidate.” According to scouts in both parties, if Romney has any weakness in his political game, it’s mental, because when it comes to the issues he often doesn’t know where he stands.

More from this section

Revelations From Hillary Clinton’s New Memoir

‘What Happened,’ a new memoir detailing the trials and tribulations of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign, was released today, with Clinton supporters and detractors already divided on its contents. Here are some of Hillary’s bombshell revelations:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close