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Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 31, 2017

Aries: They say there’s nothing quite like the bond between a mother and her child, but then they have yet to see your experimental new adhesive compound. Taurus: The stars, in their infinite wisdom, recommend that you check yourself this week, as not doing so might lead you to wreck yourself in the future.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:
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Denis Leary Drops By Comedy Club To Try Out New Ford Commercial

LOS ANGELES—The Laugh Factory audience† received a surprise Thursday when actor-comedian Denis Leary dropped by to try out material for his upcoming Ford commercial. "I just like to get up there every once and a while, try out a new bit on the F-150's payload capacity, and see what's working, you know?" said Leary, whose unscheduled appearance bumped two struggling comedians from slots booked more than two months ago. "I've got 15 seconds on zero-percent APR financing that I think is going to kill." Leary later dealt with a heckler by showing him one of the company's many J.D. Power and Associates awards.

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

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