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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.
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Denis Leary Drops By Comedy Club To Try Out New Ford Commercial

LOS ANGELES—The Laugh Factory audience received a surprise Thursday when actor-comedian Denis Leary dropped by to try out material for his upcoming Ford commercial. “I just like to get up there every once and a while, try out a new bit on the F-150’s payload capacity, and see what’s working, you know?” said Leary, whose unscheduled appearance bumped two struggling comedians from slots booked more than two months ago. “I’ve got 15 seconds on zero-percent APR financing that I think is going to kill.” Leary later dealt with a heckler by showing him one of the company’s many J.D. Power and Associates awards.

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