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Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Denny Hamlin's Spine Bone Done Busted

FONTANA, CA—Following a collision on the final lap at the Auto Club 400 last weekend, NASCAR driver Denny Hamlin has done busted his ol’ spine bone, racing team medical staff confirmed Wednesday. “Denny came bouncin’ off that inside wall hotter’n a goat’s ass in a pepper patch an’ got his spine bone smashed up sump’n awful,” said team physician Logan McRae of Hamlin, who after plumb near snapping his standin’ pole in two reportedly was done taken away in a big whirly-plane to a local hospital, where the fancy learnin’ doctors figured his broke-up back axle was as useless as tits on a bull. “It’s a powerful fracture, but we’re fixin’ to slap some spit on’t and have our boy patched up lickety-split. He oughter be perambulatin’ di-rectly, I reckon.” Dr. McRae added that though Hamlin will eventually regain the mobility needed to resume his racing career, he may require the use of a steppin’ stick for the rest of his days.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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