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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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Denny’s Market Researcher Emerges From Focus Group Shaken After Finding Out What Americans Really Want For Breakfast

SPARTANBURG, SC—Struggling to regain his composure and come to terms with what he had just witnessed, market researcher Nathan Pendersen emerged from a Denny’s focus group Thursday shaken after finding out what Americans really want to eat for breakfast. “I asked them which items they’d like to see on our new breakfast menu, and they almost universally said cookie crumbles and pizza, and I’m not sure they meant separately,” a visibly distraught Pendersen said, noting that even the proposed sausage and pepper jack breakfast burrito was received tepidly until it was served on a double stack of pancakes and received four ladles of melted nacho cheese. “Do you know what it’s like listening to a full-grown adult make the case for gummi worms on waffles or just flat-out suggest we find a way to make oatmeal more like a meatball sub? I’m just...I’m just not sure I can do another one of these.” At press time, Pendersen was shuddering at the memory of the resounding approval the focus group had given him after he jokingly introduced the idea of just deep-frying a sack of sugar.


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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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