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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Dental Hygienist Angered By Lack Of Flossing

SCOTTSDALE, AZ–Dental hygienist Bernadette Gable was angered Tuesday by patient Richard Tepfer's failure to floss regularly. "Just look at all this plaque build-up," said Gable, scolding Tepfer during his annual teeth-cleaning. "I explicitly told you last time you were here to floss at least once a day. Why would you just ignore my instructions?" The outraged Gable then pointed toward a poster of a grotesque, bloody mouth ravaged by gum disease, asking Tepfer if he wanted to look like that someday.

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