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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Department Of Just Saying: 'Been A While Since An Athlete Has Died During A Game'

WASHINGTON—In a report written in collaboration with the Bureau of Just Throwing It Out There, the Department of Just Saying noted Wednesday that it had been a good long while since an athlete had died on the field during a major sporting event. "We're not saying we want to see it or anything, but it sort of feels like we're overdue, right?" read a section of the report, which has received the approval of the Committee of Not for Nothing and the Chamber of Couldn't Help but Notice. "I mean, yes, there's Dale Earnhardt, and probably a bunch of amateurs we don't even hear about, poor bastards, but during, like, a nationally televised game, you know? As previously stated, we don't want to see it happen, but…just saying." The report has been taken into consideration by the U.S. Senate Oversight Committee for Oh, Man, You're Totally Right, It Has Been a While.

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