MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Derek Jeter Fulfills Lifelong Dream Of Starting Business Venture With Jeb Bush

TAMPA, FL—Saying that sitting in the same boardroom together still feels completely surreal, former Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter told reporters Thursday that he had finally fulfilled a lifelong dream of starting a business venture with Jeb Bush. “Ever since I was a little kid, all I’ve wanted to do is become equity partners with Mr. Bush,” said the former New York Yankees All-Star, adding that he was first inspired to become a businessman as a child while watching Bush’s entrepreneurial strides in the Latin American banking sphere and his work on his father’s presidential campaigns. “I was only 6 or 7 when Jeb made partner at The Codina Group, but his tireless efforts in securing tenants for commercial developments made me dream of one day recruiting outside investors for our own joint ownership team. I used to stare at the poster of him in my bedroom for hours just imagining us securing a billionaire dollar deal together. I’m still waiting for somebody to wake me up and tell me this is all just a dream.” Jeter also said that the partnership made spending more than two decades working as a professional baseball player completely worth it.

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