adBlockCheck

Derek Jeter Just 6 Squib Grounders, Shallow Bloops Away From 3,000 Hits

Top Headlines

Sports

Study: 96% Of Pickup Games Decided By Next Score

PRINCETON, NJ—Noting that none of the game’s earlier events factored into the final outcome in any way whatsoever, a study released Wednesday by researchers at Princeton University revealed that 96 percent of all pickup games are decided by the next score.

Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Derek Jeter Just 6 Squib Grounders, Shallow Bloops Away From 3,000 Hits

NEW YORK—Yankees captain Derek Jeter hit a seeing-eye wormburner through the left side of the infield for his 2,994th career hit Monday, leaving him just six toppers down the third-base line, Texas Leaguers, or check-swing humpback liners short of 3,000 hits. "These last six chop singles off home plate and difficult-to-field slow rollers to shortstop are going to be hardest for him," said manager Joe Girardi, who wouldn't rule out Jeter grounding a ball off the lip of the infield grass and taking a bad hop off the second baseman's shoulder as a possible route to 3,000. "Derek just needs a couple of swinging bunts and a few official scorers to mistakenly give him a hit on what is clearly an error, and he'll join the immortals that hung around just long enough to reach this tremendous milestone." When asked if he would take grounding the ball off the pitcher's back foot and the pitcher not being able to find it on the field as his 3,000th hit, Jeter answered, "Yes. God, anything."

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close