adBlockCheck

Sports

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Derek Jeter Relieved He Can Go Back To Not Hitting Ball

NEW YORK—After reaching the 3,000-career-hits milestone last week, Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter told reporters Monday that he felt a great sense of relief that he could once again go back to not hitting the ball. “Now that that’s all over with, I can sit back, relax, let my average sink back down to just above .200, and watch everyone debate if I still belong in the starting lineup,” Jeter said. “I really don’t feel any pressure to get on base for the rest of the season at all. It’s nice.” Jeter added that if he does happen to hit the ball, it will probably just be a weak groundout to the right side.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close