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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Derek Jeter Shatters Ankle In 148 Places After Attempting To Take Field

TAMPA, FL—Returning to the field for the first time since fracturing his left ankle last season, Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter reportedly attempted to take one step on the grass Sunday and shattered the ankle in 148 different places. “He kind of came down on it weird and the bones just burst into pieces,” said Yankees manager Joe Girardi, confirming that Jeter suffered 38 compound fractures and had “shards of bone jutting out everywhere.” “The sound of bones snapping and flesh tearing was so gruesome. It’s really unfortunate, but honestly, we were surprised when Derek made it up the steps of the dugout.” While the Yankees announced that Jeter will be placed on the 15-day disabled list, the team officials remain confident that the shortstop will be ready to return by opening day.

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