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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Derek Lowe Asks Coach If He Could Dip Out Around Fourth Inning

LOS ANGELES—Dodgers pitcher Derek Lowe asked manager Joe Torre if he could duck out around the fourth inning of his start against the Cardinals this Saturday so that he could hang out with his former college buddy, Greg, who will be flying in from Chicago. "I hate to cut out early like that, but I promised Greg I'd show him Grauman's Chinese Theater and where they tape Jimmy Kimmel Live," Lowe told Torre, adding that if he stayed the full game, by the time he took a shower and left the stadium it would be close to midnight and Greg might be too tired to hang out. "I mean, it's not like we don't have a bunch of pitchers around here, and I promise I'll make it up to the team sometime. Just not next week, since my parents are coming in and I know they're going to want to get brunch Sunday." When asked for comment, Torre said that it was fine if Lowe left early, as he wasn't expecting Lowe to make it past the third inning anyway.

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