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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Deriba Merga Dedicates Boston Marathon Victory To Pit Crew

BOSTON—Upon winning the 113th Boston Marathon Monday, Ethiopia's Deriba Merga dedicated his 2-hour, 8-minute, and 42-second victory to the six-member pit crew who refueled him, changed his shoes, and removed debris from his ducts and air intakes. "I might have been the one in control of my body when I crossed the finish line, but it was all their hard work that got me there," Merga said. "Every time I pulled over to pit, the jack men had me up in the air in a second. I barely heard them fire up the pneumatic wrench before suddenly I was off running again with a fresh set of shoes and shorts." Merga, who finished a disappointing fourth in the Beijing Olympic marathon, has blamed that result on a pit stop in which he forgot to remove the Gatorade hose before sprinting away.

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