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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Derrick Rose Wondering If He Should Start Rehabbing Knee Sometime This Summer

CHICAGO—Fourteen months after undergoing surgery to repair a torn ACL, Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose told reporters Wednesday that he’s thinking about getting around to beginning rehabilitation on his knee sometime this summer. “I’ve enjoyed my time off, but I should probably get started soon if I still want to make it back by midseason,” said Rose, adding that with injuries it’s important to patiently wait for the first year or two before diving back into any activity whatsoever. “I don’t want to rush anything, but I guess I should begin those exercises where I can bend my knee and eventually walk again.” Rose, who admitted that he was enjoying the nice weather in Chicago, was reportedly leaning toward starting his physical therapy next year.

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