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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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Derrick Rose Wondering If He Should Start Rehabbing Knee Sometime This Summer

CHICAGO—Fourteen months after undergoing surgery to repair a torn ACL, Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose told reporters Wednesday that he’s thinking about getting around to beginning rehabilitation on his knee sometime this summer. “I’ve enjoyed my time off, but I should probably get started soon if I still want to make it back by midseason,” said Rose, adding that with injuries it’s important to patiently wait for the first year or two before diving back into any activity whatsoever. “I don’t want to rush anything, but I guess I should begin those exercises where I can bend my knee and eventually walk again.” Rose, who admitted that he was enjoying the nice weather in Chicago, was reportedly leaning toward starting his physical therapy next year.

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