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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.
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Desperate Angels Deactivate, Reactivate Vernon Wells To See If That Works

ANAHEIM—In a final act of desperation, the Los Angeles Angels elected on Friday to deactivate underperforming center fielder Vernon Wells from their 25-man roster and then immediately reactivate him to see if that would fix the problem. "Vernon hasn't been running so smoothly lately, and he keeps freezing all the time, so we're deactivating and reactivating him a couple times because sometimes that works," said Angels general manager Jerry Dipoto, who confirmed that he instructed trainers to blow on Wells a few times while he was deactivated to remove any built-up dust. "We already tried putting some other guys into the same slot, and they worked fine, so we're pretty sure the roster's not fried. I guess we could try jiggling him, too." At press time, Wells was preparing for tonight's game against the Detroit Tigers by repeatedly removing his helmet and putting it back on again.

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