Desperate Hillary To Obama: 'Next Vote Wins'

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Vol 44 Issue 21

Area Man Has Great Idea For Slam Dunk

TORRINGTON, WY—"I'm sitting on a gold mine here," said the revolutionary slam dunk’s creator Andy Rosenwald, noting that he himself is unable to dunk a basketball.
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Desperate Hillary To Obama: 'Next Vote Wins'

WASHINGTON—Significantly trailing Sen. Barack Obama in delegates, Sen. Hillary Clinton made a last-ditch effort to settle the hotly contested presidential race Monday, when she loudly shouted a proposal that the candidate who gets the next vote wins the Democratic nomination. "All sides have battled long and hard, and now it is time to take up a fair and impartial method for deciding this: next vote takes all," Clinton said, adding that she was crossing her fingers behind her back to ensure that the electoral process is allowed to take its course. "Although I am open to discussing the feasibility of implementing a best-two-out-of-three policy, it has become clear the only way to settle this historic campaign is whoever can run to that door first—go!" Members of the Obama campaign disputed the results of the footrace, pointing out that the Illinois senator had long ago called for ace of black magic times infinity with no backsies.
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