Determined Restaurant Patrons Tough It Out On Chilly Patio

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City Adds Some Big Concrete Stairs

They’re For Sitting On Or Running Up Or Something

CHICAGO—Noting the structure’s considerable size and prominent location in a busy public park, local residents confirmed Tuesday that the city had installed some big concrete stairs that were probably for sitting on or running up or something like that.
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    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Determined Restaurant Patrons Tough It Out On Chilly Patio

CHICAGO—Steeling themselves against the occasional breeze and the cold of the wrought iron table and chairs against their skin, a group of determined restaurant-goers reportedly braved the slightly chilly temperature Thursday and dined on the outdoor patio of a local gastropub. “It’s pretty nice out,” said 29-year-old Erin LaVelle, who, despite occasionally shivering beneath her light jacket, was unflinching in her commitment to forego an indoor table and stick it out in the nippy 56-degree weather. “It’s so nice to eat outside. I love this time of year.” At press time, the strong-willed group of friends was courageously enduring a perilously brisk period during which a cloud was passing in front of the sun.