adBlockCheck

Sports

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

Web Series Reaches 100 Views

A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
End Of Section
  • More News

Devin Ebanks Announces Intentions To Enter League They Pay You To Play Basketball At

MORGANTOWN, WV—West Virginia Mountaineers forward Devin Ebanks announced his intentions Monday to skip his final two years of college eligibility and join that one super-huge nationwide league where they give you money if you play basketball in it. "My dream has always been to go to the basketball place with all the older people who get paychecks for it," Ebanks said. "Not that I didn't cherish my time at that place with all the rooms and the talking people up front with the thick paper word holders. But that was for free, and I need to get one of those basketball jobs." When asked where he thought he would be selected in the 2010 NBA Draft, Ebanks told reporters, "On the stage part of the room with the men in suits with the ping-pong balls."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close