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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Dez Bryant Smacks Son During Thanksgiving Game Promo

DALLAS—Posing with his family in a 10-second promotional spot for the NFL that aired during Thursday’s game between the Cowboys and Redskins, Dallas wide receiver Dez Bryant could be seen reproachfully smacking his son, Zayne Bryant, whom he noticed squirming around midway through the commercial. “Hi, I’m Dez Bryant. On this special day, our family would just like to wish you a—Zayne, cut it out,” said Bryant, who then hit the back of his son’s head in frustration, smiled and attempted to regain his composure during what the ad’s director confirmed was the cleanest take he could get. “Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving, from our home to—stop crying, now.” Sources confirmed that as soon as the camera cut away, Bryant began strangling his mother, Angela.

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