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Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.
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DHS Creates Fenced-In Enclosure For Al-Qaeda To Safely Carry Out Attacks

WASHINGTON—In an effort to streamline and better coordinate anti-terrorism efforts, the Department of Homeland Security announced Friday that it had established a designated "safe zone" within which members of al-Qaeda can carry out attacks on American soil without hurting anyone. "We've cordoned off 80 acres of Kansas pasture and created a simulated environment in which those harboring a deadly grudge against our nation can destroy virtual marketplaces, transportation hubs, and even a miniature cityscape complete with a replica U.S. Capitol and Golden Gate Bridge," said Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, confirming the facility was equipped with enough airplanes for the terrorists to "climb around in, hijack, and blow up as much as they like." "We also made sure to include plenty of animatronic Iraqi police recruits, since we realize most victims of terrorism these days aren't actually Americans." At press time, 56 were reported dead and 174 injured in a series of coordinated attacks in and around Baghdad.

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