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Sports

Best Sports Documentaries

With ESPN’s film ‘OJ: Made In America’ emerging as an Oscars frontrunner this year, Onion Sports looks back at some of the greatest sports documentaries of all time.

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.

Strongside/Weakside: Ezekiel Elliott

After becoming only the third player in NFL history to rush for 1,000 yards in his first nine games, Dallas Cowboys rookie running back Ezekiel Elliott is an early candidate for league MVP. Is he any good?

Strongside/Weakside: Theo Epstein

In just five seasons, Chicago Cubs president of baseball operations Theo Epstein assembled a team that is competing for the franchise’s first World Series title since 1908. Is he any good?

Jumbotron Really Trying To Push New Third-Down Cheer On Fans

SAN DIEGO—Noting that the phrase had appeared in large blue letters during each of the team’s offensive drives, sources at Qualcomm Stadium confirmed Friday that the Jumbotron was trying really hard to push a new third-down cheer on San Diego Chargers fans.

Strongside/Weakside: Kris Bryant

By leading the Chicago Cubs in hits and home runs en route to their second straight playoff appearance, Kris Bryant has placed himself in the running for the National League MVP. Is he any good?
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Dick Vitale Undergoes Annual Bracketological Examination

SARASOTA, FL—Emphasizing the importance of having a healthy 68-team field, college basketball analyst Dick Vitale confirmed Tuesday that he underwent his annual bracketological exam at Sarasota Memorial Hospital. “It’s obviously not the most pleasant experience, but you gotta have a bracketological checkup at least once a year just to make sure everything is okay—give me that peace of mind any day of the week, baby!” Vitale said of the invasive 20-minute screening, which entailed a deep and thorough probing of all four of his regional brackets, as well as detailed measurements of both his RPI and SOS levels. “I had a little scare when I noticed I had the University of Richmond coming out of the A10, but the doctor told me it’s nothing to be worried about. Still, better to catch anything like that before the first round rather than wait until it’s too late and wake up to a busted bracket. Love that preventative care! Love it!” After inspecting his at-large bids for abnormally high seeds, Vitale’s bracketologist reportedly warned the 74-year-old to diligently check his tournament bubble every day for any large and prominent upsets.

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