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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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Dick Vitale Undergoes Annual Bracketological Examination

SARASOTA, FL—Emphasizing the importance of having a healthy 68-team field, college basketball analyst Dick Vitale confirmed Tuesday that he underwent his annual bracketological exam at Sarasota Memorial Hospital. “It’s obviously not the most pleasant experience, but you gotta have a bracketological checkup at least once a year just to make sure everything is okay—give me that peace of mind any day of the week, baby!” Vitale said of the invasive 20-minute screening, which entailed a deep and thorough probing of all four of his regional brackets, as well as detailed measurements of both his RPI and SOS levels. “I had a little scare when I noticed I had the University of Richmond coming out of the A10, but the doctor told me it’s nothing to be worried about. Still, better to catch anything like that before the first round rather than wait until it’s too late and wake up to a busted bracket. Love that preventative care! Love it!” After inspecting his at-large bids for abnormally high seeds, Vitale’s bracketologist reportedly warned the 74-year-old to diligently check his tournament bubble every day for any large and prominent upsets.

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