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Police Find Super-Sharp Buck Knife

'It's The Kind With A Blade That Locks In Place,' Says Law Enforcement Spokesperson

Warning residents that the blade was “super deadly” and “badass,” city police officials held a press conference Wednesday to announce that they had found a really cool wooden-handled Buck-brand pocketknife on the street.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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Dikembe Mutombo Donates $15 Million Sports Arena To Congo

KINSHASA, DEM. REP. OF CONGO—Houston Rockets center Dikembe Mutombo fulfilled a lifelong dream Monday, announcing that he will donate a much-needed $15 million sports arena named after his deceased mother to his native Congo. "Now the poor, impoverished people of my homeland will be able to take solace in the Biamba Marie Mutombo Sporting & Convention Center, an arena which my mother always dreamed of," said Mutombo, who noted that the arena could expand to 72,500 seats for concerts and ice shows. "The BMM Center will ensure that the people of the Congo will have a chance to watch healthy competition." Tickets for the first and only sporting event scheduled for the new arena—a one-on-one basketball game between Mutombo and Hakeem Olajuwon—are on sale through Ticketmaster starting at $80 apiece.

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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