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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Dinner Theater Play Reworked To Push Chicken Special

AKRON, OH—The Footlight Dinner Theater's weekend production of Death Of A Salesman featured partially rewritten dialogue apparently intended to highlight the restaurant's $11.99 chicken dinner special, sources reported Wednesday. "He's liked, but he's not well liked. Unlike that delicious rosemary chicken with fresh green peas and mashed potatoes, which everyone loves," the actor portraying Biff Loman said as part of the revised play. The last time the Footlight altered a legendary theatrical work to advertise a food item was in October 2006, when manager Harold Childress rewrote the lyrics to a song from the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Carousel and changed its title to "What's The Use Of Wond'rin'? (Just Get The Lasagna)."

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