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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Directions To Ed's Steak House

Tolbrook, ID—If you are coming from the city, take I-80 South to the Chesterton exit. Follow the off ramp around and turn left on Chesterton. Take Chesterton two miles until Third Street—the fourth stoplight. There will be an Exxon station on your right. Turn right at the stoplight on Third Street, and go eight blocks. Ed’s Steak House is between the True Value hardware store and P.J. O’Donaghue’s Irish Pub. There is parking around back. Reservations are recommended. Dress is casual.

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