Director For ASPCA Commercial Demands Sadder Looking Dogs

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Vol 45 Issue 17

Three Fingered On Class Trip To Washington, D.C.

WASHINGTON—The second fingering reportedly took place Thursday night at the hotel after chaperones failed to notice that Nick Stern had been hiding in Jamie Cavanaugh's bathroom during a 10 p.m. room check.
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Director For ASPCA Commercial Demands Sadder Looking Dogs

LOS ANGELES—According to witnesses, commercial director Nathan Foster, 40, is irate over the insufficiently pathetic condition of the dogs being used in the 30-second television spot he is directing for the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. "These dogs are barely morose, and they need to be fucking pitiful!" Foster was overheard yelling at his casting coordinator during the shoot. "They look like they could start frolicking all over the place any minute! You couldn't get me even one mutt with a missing eye or three legs or something?" At press time, sources said that Foster has ordered production assistants to viciously beat the dogs for several hours so the animals can at least cower convincingly.

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