Dirk Nowitzki Recommends Playing In NBA Games To Friends Taking Road Trip

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Vol 47 Issue 10

How To Become An Internet Music Sensation

More and more, bands are recording, releasing, and promoting their music at home using their own computers. Here are some ways a burgeoning musician can make a splash on the Internet.

NHL Ref Likes It When He Gets To Jump Over Puck

CHICAGO—Fifteen-year veteran NHL official Michael Lussenhop confirmed in an interview Sunday that the most satisfying part of his job is when he's backed into a corner and has to grab the boards to leap over the puck to keep from interfering with th...

What Do U-Say About Mike Brant?

Messages of support for GOP candidate Mike Brant have been flooding our inbox. Here's a small sampling: "We don't need leaders who went to good schools or have experience in government or can name their own state's capitol. We need leaders like Mik...

Report: Danny Ainge Got Tons Of Pussy At BYU

PROVO, UT—Following BYU's dismissal of one of its basketball players for having premarital sex with his girlfriend, teammates of former BYU star Danny Ainge confirmed Friday that the shooting guard got shitloads of pussy when he was enrolled at the ...
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Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Dirk Nowitzki Recommends Playing In NBA Games To Friends Taking Road Trip

DALLAS—Claiming they would have "so much fun" and "also get to meet some of my NBA friends," Mavericks forward Dirk Nowitzki enthusiastically recommended playing in NBA games when chatting Monday with several friends who were planning a cross-country road trip. "If you're going to be in downtown Phoenix, you absolutely have to drop in and play the Suns," said Nowitzki, adding that in his opinion, there's no better way to kill time in the Southwestern city. "And I think one of you said you were going to New York, right? Well, you gotta play professional basketball at Madison Square Garden against the Knicks while you're there. There's so much history in that place. Plus, New Jersey is really close, so you can get in a quick game with the Nets. Just don't try to do it all in one day." Nowitzki added that if his friends were looking for a place to stay in Chicago, they could always crash with his buddy Joakim.

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