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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Dirk Nowitzki's 20,000 Points Not Worth Nearly As Much In European League

WURZBURG, GERMANY—According to current basketball point exchange rates, due to the weakened value of the NBA basket, Dirk Nowitzki's career 20,000-point total is worth just over half that much in Euroleague Basketball. "A traditional two-point American basket is worth 1.126 points in Europe," leading basket economist Dr. Benedikt Acton told reporters after Nowitzki's career milestone, later adding that while the NBA point is struggling, it is still strong against the IBL Punkt and the Chinese Basketball Association's fēn. " If Mr. Nowitzki would have remained in Germany, the value of his points would have remained stable. Then again, nobody could have predicted the soaring inflation that followed Kobe Bryant's 81-point game in 2006." Acton added that if the Celtics' defense remains strong, the NBA point could see a resurgence in the second half of the season.

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