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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Disappointed Couple On 8-Month Waitlist To Get Married At Pentagon

ARLINGTON, VA—Saying they “had [their] hearts set” on the venue, engaged couple Tamara Hunter and David Bryant expressed disappointment to reporters Monday upon learning the headquarters of the Defense Department currently has an eight-month waiting list for weddings. “We figured there would be a lot of other couples trying to book the Pentagon for their wedding, but we had no idea we’d have to reserve it so far in advance,” said Hunter, voicing regret and frustration that she hadn’t acted sooner to realize her vision of an intimate marriage ceremony officiated by Defense Secretary Leon Panetta in the military office complex’s 5-acre central plaza. “I guess we should have known we’d never get in there for a May wedding—after all, it’s every little girl’s dream to have her special day in a 6.5-million-square-foot defense facility.” Hunter added that she and her fiancé were now considering both the deck of the USS Theodore Roosevelt and Bagram Airfield, but stated that these second-choice locations “just didn’t feel right.”

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