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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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Disappointed LeBron James Endures Long Ride Home On All-Star Team Bus

MIAMI—Following the discouraging 143-138 loss to the Western Conference, Heat forward LeBron James boarded the NBA East All-Star Team bus Sunday and endured the long and uncomfortable 28-hour ride from Houston to Miami. “I was feeling bummed about going 0 for 4 at the end of the game, so it really sucked when it took forever to get home because the driver decided to drop off the other All-Stars first,” said James, adding that the tedious bus journey included stops in Chicago, Indianapolis, Cleveland, Boston, New York, Brooklyn, and Philadelphia before arriving in Miami. “The whole trip was so annoying and boring. Plus, the bus was crowded so I had to share a seat with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.” James confirmed that the only toilet on the bus ceased functioning properly somewhere in Arkansas after Celtics forward Kevin Garnett clogged the bathroom fixture.

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