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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Disappointed LeBron James Endures Long Ride Home On All-Star Team Bus

MIAMI—Following the discouraging 143-138 loss to the Western Conference, Heat forward LeBron James boarded the NBA East All-Star Team bus Sunday and endured the long and uncomfortable 28-hour ride from Houston to Miami. “I was feeling bummed about going 0 for 4 at the end of the game, so it really sucked when it took forever to get home because the driver decided to drop off the other All-Stars first,” said James, adding that the tedious bus journey included stops in Chicago, Indianapolis, Cleveland, Boston, New York, Brooklyn, and Philadelphia before arriving in Miami. “The whole trip was so annoying and boring. Plus, the bus was crowded so I had to share a seat with Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.” James confirmed that the only toilet on the bus ceased functioning properly somewhere in Arkansas after Celtics forward Kevin Garnett clogged the bathroom fixture.

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