Disappointing Indy 500 Viewership Prompts Organizers To Hold Race Again This Weekend

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Vol 48 Issue 24

U.S. Improves Infrastructure With Transnational Power Strip

WASHINGTON—In a sweeping effort aimed at overhauling the nation's aging infrastructure, the United States on Sunday unveiled a 3,000-mile transnational power strip, which officials said would provide Americans with 126 billion new electrical outlets...

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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Disappointing Indy 500 Viewership Prompts Organizers To Hold Race Again This Weekend

INDIANAPOLIS—Citing lower television viewership numbers than expected despite an unusually exciting race, Izod IndyCar officials announced they would hold the 2012 Indianapolis 500 again this coming weekend. "Everyone should tune in to see the record 35 lead changes, Takuma Sato's daring but ultimately disastrous attempt to take the lead on the last lap, and Dario Franchitti's triumphant third Indy 500 victory," said IndyCar chief Randy Bernard, explaining that the June 17 Indy 500 would be identical to the May 27 running, which he called one of the best in the race's long history. "Really, it was great. We have no idea why more people didn't see it the first time." Bernard later acknowledged that no one should have watched June 3's Detroit IndyCar race, which he conceded was "an unwatchable shitshow."

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