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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Disastrous Ad Campaign Appeals To Basic Human Intelligence

LOS ANGELES—A new low was hit in advertising Thursday when an ad campaign appealing to basic human logic and rationality became the single-most money-losing effort in the entire history of the industry. "We thought, let's just stick to the facts: what the product is, what it does, and why it's better than other brands," said James O'Connor, CEO of O’Connor Advertising and chief architect of the disastrously failed commercials. "As it turns out, we should have just shown 28 seconds of talking CGI pigs and then displayed the product name right at the very end." O'Connor Advertising has issued a formal apology to the viewing public, promised it will never make the same mistake again, and announced plans to produce "the perfect ad," which will feature celebrities, high-end cars, cutting-edge special effects, and snack chips.

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