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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Disciplinarian Parent Annoying Restaurant Much More Than Unruly Toddler Ever Could

FAYETTEVILLE, AR—Making a big scene in front of everyone, disciplinarian parent Michael Torres was reportedly annoying diners at Leghorn Grill Friday far more than his unruly toddler ever possibly could. “I’m trying to enjoy my dinner in peace, but that man yelling at his kid to sit still is really getting on my nerves,” said restaurant patron Susan Chen, who along with everyone else in the establishment cast irritated glances at the man screaming at the top of his lungs at his 2-year-old son for standing on the seat. “I mean, this probably isn’t the first time he’s acted out like this, so that family should know better than to bring him to restaurants. They should just eat at home until he’s ready to go out in public. God, I wish he’d just leave already.” At press time, customers were growing even angrier as the restaurant’s staff seemed content to just let the toddler’s father carry on like that for their entire meal.

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