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Politics

Robert Mueller Driving SUV 100 MPH Down Runway As Air Force One Narrowly Lifts Off

PRINCE GEORGE’S COUNTY, MD—Sending a pair of guards scrambling for safety as he gunned his black SUV through a chain-link gate and onto the tarmac, Robert Mueller, the former FBI director who was recently tapped to lead the ongoing investigation into the Trump campaign’s ties to Russia, chased Air Force One down the runway at Joint Base Andrews moments before takeoff, sources reported Tuesday.
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Discouraged Bush Begins Seeking Approval Of Other Nations

WASHINGTON—With public opinion sinking to an all-time low, a forlorn President Bush announced his intention Tuesday to "pack it in" and embark on a 192-nation trip seeking the favor and approval of a foreign country.

"I guess I'll just go find out if the citizens of Borneo, Turkmenistan, or Paraguay are willing to treat me a little better and see that I still have many appealing qualities," Bush said. "There's a lot of things I'm going to miss about America, but it's clearly time for me to go."

The president departs tomorrow for Bulgaria, which he called his favorite former Soviet state after Romania and Slovenia.

Bush added that he will spend the remainder of his presidency in the first independent state he comes across in which more than 30 percent of the population approves of the job he is doing.

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