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Politics

Can Trump Follow Through On His Campaign Promises?

President-elect Donald Trump made a variety of lofty promises during his campaign as part of a pledge to “make America great again.” The Onion looks at several of these promises and evaluates whether Trump will be willing or able to follow through on them.

What You Need To Know About The Dakota Access Pipeline

Construction is currently stalled on the Dakota Access Pipeline, which would connect North Dakota’s Bakken Shale development to oil tank farms in Illinois, by protests led by members of the Standing Rock Sioux tribe. The Onion provides answers to key questions about the project.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

James Comey Quickly Reopens Clinton Email Investigation For Few More Minutes

‘Nope, Looks Like It’s All Good Here,’ Says FBI Director

WASHINGTON—In a letter addressed to Congress that was quickly followed by a second message retracting the first, FBI director James Comey is said to have briefly reopened the investigation into Hillary Clinton’s emails for several more minutes Friday.

Pollsters Admit They Underestimated Voters’ Adrenal Glands

WASHINGTON—In response to widespread criticism that they had failed to predict Donald Trump’s victory in the 2016 election, analysts from polling organizations around the nation admitted Thursday they had underestimated the influence of voters’ adrenal glands on the presidential race.
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Discouraged Bush Begins Seeking Approval Of Other Nations

WASHINGTON—With public opinion sinking to an all-time low, a forlorn President Bush announced his intention Tuesday to "pack it in" and embark on a 192-nation trip seeking the favor and approval of a foreign country.

"I guess I'll just go find out if the citizens of Borneo, Turkmenistan, or Paraguay are willing to treat me a little better and see that I still have many appealing qualities," Bush said. "There's a lot of things I'm going to miss about America, but it's clearly time for me to go."

The president departs tomorrow for Bulgaria, which he called his favorite former Soviet state after Romania and Slovenia.

Bush added that he will spend the remainder of his presidency in the first independent state he comes across in which more than 30 percent of the population approves of the job he is doing.

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