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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Discouraged Bush Begins Seeking Approval Of Other Nations

WASHINGTON—With public opinion sinking to an all-time low, a forlorn President Bush announced his intention Tuesday to "pack it in" and embark on a 192-nation trip seeking the favor and approval of a foreign country.

"I guess I'll just go find out if the citizens of Borneo, Turkmenistan, or Paraguay are willing to treat me a little better and see that I still have many appealing qualities," Bush said. "There's a lot of things I'm going to miss about America, but it's clearly time for me to go."

The president departs tomorrow for Bulgaria, which he called his favorite former Soviet state after Romania and Slovenia.

Bush added that he will spend the remainder of his presidency in the first independent state he comes across in which more than 30 percent of the population approves of the job he is doing.

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