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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Disheartened Man Expected At Least One Text While Checking Phone After Flight

BALTIMORE—Expressing frustration over the lack of any new text notifications on his phone, disheartened Southwest Airlines passenger Shawn Woods confirmed Thursday that he had expected to receive at least one message upon checking the device after his flight. “It was a four-hour flight, so I assumed I’d get a text from somebody,” said a dejected Woods, 38, who had reportedly sent out text messages to three individuals before switching the phone to airplane mode prior to takeoff, setting himself up, in his mind, for multiple responses. “I figured it was just taking a while to connect to the network, but I could hear other people getting texts as soon as the plane landed. I turned it off and back on and there was still nothing.” At press time, Woods was reportedly further dismayed upon checking his inbox and failing to find anything good.

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