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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.
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Disney Reveals That Every Disney Movie Takes Place In Single, Unified Universe

BURBANK, CA—During the final installment of a three-part retrospective podcast on the film studio Thursday, longtime Disney illustrator Russell Schroeder revealed that every one of the company's live-action and animated features takes place in a single, unified world. "Most people don't know this was the way Walt Disney envisioned it, but every one of these films takes place in the same interconnected universe," said Schroeder, explaining that Never Never Land is only five minutes away from the coral reef where Nemo lives along with Daryl Hannah's character from Splash." "The plot of the The Lion King may not be happening at the same time as Aladdin, but those characters are all there in that world while it's going on. Of course, if the filmmakers had been so inclined, they could have had Jasmine hop into Herbie Fully Loaded and speed through Pride Rock on her way to see the Jonas Brothers' 3D Concert Experience—that is, if she didn't get tricked by Br'er Rabbit's Tar Baby first." When asked why more characters didn't cross paths during their adventures, Schroeder responded that filmmakers have approached the collective kingdom rather cautiously ever since Bambi's mother was mistaken for a rabid dog and shot by Travis from Old Yeller.

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